who says bum? this bum.

The dumbest things make me so sad. Like the internet. Sometimes, the internet just bums me out. All of these avenues of communication are available to me and it's great, really. This blog, all of the other social networking things, Skype, iChat, you know, all of it. It's great to see the faces of the people I miss most, to read everything my friends have to say, to actually talk and communicate and share. Sometimes, though, it illustrates the disconnect I have with so many of the people I have known, want to know. Bums me out.

Young Marble Giants - Radio Silents


Listening to music by myself is like the internet. It is awesome but sometimes, I can't even begin to describe how sad I get when I'm sitting on my floor, legs crossed underneath of me, and I am there but not there. Here but not here. I am not lost in the music or some other cliche. I am fully aware of my existence, of the record, or CD, or whatever doing its thing, and all of the sound, the sound of my own breathing, of a car driving by, of a neighbor opening and closing a door, and it all just feels alien.

I don't know. This is how I am feeling about my life right now. It will probably change tomorrow.

moving moving moving

Bobby Birdman - Moving On/Up

I'm currently in the process of packing up three years of my apartment life to move five blocks away into a one bedroom sublet a lovely lady is letting me have for dirt cheap for the month of May. After that, I'm off to a two-bedroom in Humboldt Park all by my lonesome. My landlords are awesome. We've spoken of tomato plants. I am at the south end, across from the quiet part of a huuuuge park and you have no idea how often I'm going to be sitting outside on all of that grass. My fridge is in the pantry. I get a pantry! I'm really excited! Now I have space for all of the different flours I like to have on hand. Bonus: some of the best people I know live (near) there so it'll be nice to walk to potlucks with my cakes and ice creams instead of praying, i.e. hoping really hard, that no one bumps into me on the CTA and I trip over my own feet and disaster, disaster, disaster! Cake disaster.



Excited and scared and sad and happy and adult as whoa. I've never NOT had roommates. It's time. I feel like a grown-up, though I'm far from being one. Somebody buy me a couch! Peace out, Ukrainian Village! Well, sort of. :)

Insomnia

Abe Vigoda - Endless Sleeper

Everyone likes this band, right? My favorite song off of the album is "Cranes" but who hasn't heard that already?

My body hates me and I can't sleep and you'd think I'd be writing more. I mean, yes, I am writing more! I am actually being productive with this no sleep business and I have been catching up with music after a couple of months of not really listening to anything at all that wasn't safe and easy and look, look, don't expect much from me. I'm exhausted. I am spiffying up my bicycle, though. I am learning and doing with my own hands with help from books and internet videos because I clearly do not like asking for help if I can learn on my own. You know? You know. My hands are all sorts of cut up. I own a glockenspiel since I've last seen you, blog. I am also a matter of weeks away from moving out of my apartment and probably just down the street. Exciting times! Now I wish I could sleep. This is getting boring.

I am a sucker for moments.

Ok. Ok. This is the thing. I'm in my double-deuce year of being alive. I made it to this point and I have never felt more positive about my life and the people I choose to be around. These people? They're my friends and I love them for all of the positive shit they give me as well as all of the shitty shit. This isn't intended to be sappy or anything like that, but I am a sap.

Right now, right this moment, I'm listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor. It's been about a year since the last time I've listened to them. This last time was in some boy's studio apartment and I was getting dressed to go, making a decision to leave and talk about epic, sweeping music for such a pivotal moment in my life, a moment where I did not yet but was beginning to realize that how I see the world, what I value as important, and just all of that ambiguous, hard, growing up type of business is so...different. I don't know how to explain or articulate this and I often wonder if perhaps I could build something, create a physical thing and present to the world as Here, Here Are My Thoughts and Feelings and How I Have Changed and How I Have Realized Now That Shit is Going to Hurt But Whatever Because I Am Doing This and I Am Owning Up to It All.

And Godspeed? Yeah, I honestly can't think of any other music right now that I should be listening to. It's a band that feels like that thing that was created to articulate these hard to put into words moments. It's like, man, I am so psyched on everything right now and I figuring out which moments were dips or pitfalls, ends and beginnings, and all of that and I feel lucky. Goodbye, 21. You've been gone for a few weeks now, but it's ok. I learned a lot and 22 is starting off on this note, an imperfect note, but the right note. There is all of this awesomeness and I see no walls. I see expanse, great, big wide expanse for happiness, for sustained awesomeness. I see it. Really, really see it. I needed that first heartbreak, those wordless moments, all of it, to see this right now. What is this? Optimism? I don't know. Whatever it is, this gumption to be AWESOMEEEEE is really fucking good. And new. Oh, how new this all feels.

maybe it's because i say "straight up" all of the time now

I twittered this the moment it happened because Twitter is the most addicting social networking whatever thing in the world. Plus, it's really easy now with my Blackberry. My beautiful, beautiful Blackberry that lights up every single time I get an e-mail. It's great. Technology is suffocating me with awesomeness.



A friend and I were watching "Forever Your Girl" when he turned to me and said, "You remind me of a young Paula Abdul."

That's the best thing anyone's said to me in a long time. Never mind that I'm about half-a-foot taller than that dancing fairy of a woman and I am sometimes too uncoordinated to walk in snow let alone execute some sweet moves, I was tickled by that. As we all know, young Paula is the best Paula.

Saddest Song in the World

If I were a wee bit more of a girl, I would cry every time I hear Patsy Cline's "She's Got You". Part of it is because Patsy dies soon after this song but mostly it's straight up sad.



The musical theme of the day at work was "The Most Depressing Songs Ever" when we came across this. It broke my god damned heart, that's what this song did. I came home and realized I didn't have any Patsy Cline but I did have an inferior cover by Cat Power. Inherently, covers would be inferior. I can't imagine this song without Patsy's voice.

A friend showed this to me recently because his GF had this gem on vinyl (I like that 2k9 has turned into the year of records already). Initially, I was very much, "Well, isn't that cute." Then I woke up one morning with it stuck in my head. It may be better than Madonna's original. This is endearingly earnest. I require a vacation and a dance party.

Here's a link to the Wiki page to MC Miker G & DJ Sven. It's the most effort I can put into finding info right now because I am a bag of internet lazybones.