I am a sucker for moments.

Ok. Ok. This is the thing. I'm in my double-deuce year of being alive. I made it to this point and I have never felt more positive about my life and the people I choose to be around. These people? They're my friends and I love them for all of the positive shit they give me as well as all of the shitty shit. This isn't intended to be sappy or anything like that, but I am a sap.

Right now, right this moment, I'm listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor. It's been about a year since the last time I've listened to them. This last time was in some boy's studio apartment and I was getting dressed to go, making a decision to leave and talk about epic, sweeping music for such a pivotal moment in my life, a moment where I did not yet but was beginning to realize that how I see the world, what I value as important, and just all of that ambiguous, hard, growing up type of business is so...different. I don't know how to explain or articulate this and I often wonder if perhaps I could build something, create a physical thing and present to the world as Here, Here Are My Thoughts and Feelings and How I Have Changed and How I Have Realized Now That Shit is Going to Hurt But Whatever Because I Am Doing This and I Am Owning Up to It All.

And Godspeed? Yeah, I honestly can't think of any other music right now that I should be listening to. It's a band that feels like that thing that was created to articulate these hard to put into words moments. It's like, man, I am so psyched on everything right now and I figuring out which moments were dips or pitfalls, ends and beginnings, and all of that and I feel lucky. Goodbye, 21. You've been gone for a few weeks now, but it's ok. I learned a lot and 22 is starting off on this note, an imperfect note, but the right note. There is all of this awesomeness and I see no walls. I see expanse, great, big wide expanse for happiness, for sustained awesomeness. I see it. Really, really see it. I needed that first heartbreak, those wordless moments, all of it, to see this right now. What is this? Optimism? I don't know. Whatever it is, this gumption to be AWESOMEEEEE is really fucking good. And new. Oh, how new this all feels.