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THAT'S ALL.

JUST SAYING THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

"Life gets so good, sometimes I want to throw up."

I am terrible with e-mails but phone calls are hard to avoid. Phone calls from great distances away are my favorite. I love putting my life down for an hour at a time, go for a walk, and tell stories to friends who are genuinely interested in the mild, mostly pleasant happenings of my life.



I was speaking to a pal recently about the everyday shit, the this and this and that and that how I really like a bunch of bands right now, I'm really stoked on music and seeing music live and dancing to good records with whoever happens to be there, and hell, I can sort of keep time now, that's nice. I learned how to play an easy Velvet Underground song on the ukulele but I can't sing for shit.



We, as always, talked a good deal about where I'll be after Chicago. We talked about surprises. A year, even four months ago I couldn't see myself finally in a place that I don't feel ashamed of or sad or always so angry. It seemed like I had gotten stuck. Started drinking too much (sorry, Mom) and being more reckless than usual. Than I moved into an apartment alone and my life just started to happen. Magically, it seems.



I have met a lot of really great people in the last few months. I have had old friends from what felt like a different lifetime be friends again, and it's great. I have been lucky to randomly meet some amazing people to ride bikes with, to cook dinner with, to listen to music with, to dance with, to be with, that I can say that I'm happy with. I am young and I am stupid and I just want to have fun for a while. It's simple. I still have my days but those days are so few and far between, it's kind of nuts. There are other things, besides this, the most important, the people. There are things like, um, a second job. A part-time gig. Don't ask me about it, I won't find out for sure until a while from now. I'm really excited and I think it's silly that someone's willing to hire me to build shit, but that's fine. I'm fine with that. I am so excited! To spend! Lots of time! Around things! That I! Actually! Want!



Guys, I'm so stoked. I want to call all of my friends all of the time now.

Today I learned that Téléphone once opened up for Television.

Safe to say my life is getting brighter every day.

Confession time? I don't like Wilco and I don't like the Bad Plus. Two perfectly likable bands with tremendously talented folks, but I don't know if I'm just not old enough or NPR enough or mature enough to LIKE them. Wilco reminds me that I'm not a native Chicagoan (oops?) and the Bad Plus reminds me of a friend who would put on one of their albums, lean back in his chair ever so slightly, and close his eyes. There would be an occasional smile flirting at the corners of his mouth and eyelids. It was great.

New Years Eve?

There are a lot of bands playing in Chicago on New Years Eve. There's only one I want to see, really, but that's already sold out. Jens Lekman. So I can swoon and stuff? I don't know. But seeing a band on New Years Eve is sort of not my style at all.

VEXED, I am.

But I am seeing Melt-Banana soon.

STOKED, I am.

Crazy.

Craziness has been going on. I've been keeping busier than normal and last night, one of the first relatively slow, quiet nights I've had in a long time, my friend got punched in the head when we were riding our bikes in the direction of my apartment. It was random and made me incredibly angry. I don't like getting heated because I always just end up being sad. No injuries or anything but still. Why the fuck would a dude just come up and punch someone in the head.

Kids, be safe. I love you. I forever want to bump into my friends at shows and bars, to say hello and dance awkwardly to terrible music, friends to ride bikes with, to learn ukulele with, to be friends with. Be safe.

"I can't even tell if it's actually 12-hours of sunlight."

It's the first day of autumn but if you've been outside in Chicago, it's humid. And the sun came out! I'm pretty stoked, in general. Philly won't be closing its libraries. I'm hoping to dominate a Scrabble game tonight. Testing out a new bike soon. Buying records, because Times New Viking's new LP came out today. YESSSSSSSSS.

music's cool but books are, too.

Philadelphia's planning to close all of its public libraries on October 2. I don't know why it's not a bigger deal in national media. I don't care about the latest Kanye West outburst or Lady Gaga stunt when, holy shit, guys, a whole city's public library system may no longer exist in a matter of weeks.

In the short eleven or so years I lived in the city, I frequented the South Philadelphia and formerly-named Southwark branches more often than my friends' homes. There was the time Kelly and I tried to borrow out the movie Splash, but you can't at 8 because god forbid we saw mermaid tits. One year, I went to maybe a day and a half of summer art camp there. My love for books wouldn't exist if these libraries weren't there.

I have been thinking a lot about where I stand on certain things, how gray it all is, how I've increasingly become someone who no longer worries about this or that, if maybe I'm just swapping out a short fuse for apathy. I haven't been able to react viscerally to anything in a long time. These library closing? This made my guts hurt for the first time in months.

old news

US Open Quarter-final is a rematch of the Federer and Söderling French Open final. I know two other people who care.

Foals is a band I listen to when I get ready in the morning.

Duh.

I like the new Pissed Jeans album.

naming pets after androids

I've not been listening to much music. Partial to talky podcasts about boring stuff like fiction and science or streaming an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer while I bustle around the kitchen, baking up a storm.

I did put on the Margo Guryan LP the other day because one of my baby kits, Data, kept on pawing at my records that are still resting up against a wall in my living room. In a barely mild fit of "I'll show you"-ism, I took the reissue from her wee tiny paws and played the record. She was mesmerized! I giggled like an idiot for at least a solid 30-odd seconds because kittens make me laugh pretty much always.



Life's pretty cute. I wish my vacation would last a couple of days longer so I got to see folks instead of the pounds and pounds of frosting. I am learning a lot, though, about baking. Oh! I'm on vacation in Philadelphia, and I mention this because I always seem to mention this on the blog when it comes around, and by vacation, this time, I mean I spent the past week baking and frosting and decorating the biggest cake I have ever made. A wedding cake. Yikes. To be honest, I'm really curious what the music's going to be at the reception. I was sort of crossing my fingers for a Cambodian cover band. Maybe it'll be DJ playing top-40. I could always ask one of the planners but that'll ruin the surprise.

Desmond.

Kind of obsessed lately.

who says bum? this bum.

The dumbest things make me so sad. Like the internet. Sometimes, the internet just bums me out. All of these avenues of communication are available to me and it's great, really. This blog, all of the other social networking things, Skype, iChat, you know, all of it. It's great to see the faces of the people I miss most, to read everything my friends have to say, to actually talk and communicate and share. Sometimes, though, it illustrates the disconnect I have with so many of the people I have known, want to know. Bums me out.

Young Marble Giants - Radio Silents


Listening to music by myself is like the internet. It is awesome but sometimes, I can't even begin to describe how sad I get when I'm sitting on my floor, legs crossed underneath of me, and I am there but not there. Here but not here. I am not lost in the music or some other cliche. I am fully aware of my existence, of the record, or CD, or whatever doing its thing, and all of the sound, the sound of my own breathing, of a car driving by, of a neighbor opening and closing a door, and it all just feels alien.

I don't know. This is how I am feeling about my life right now. It will probably change tomorrow.

moving moving moving

Bobby Birdman - Moving On/Up

I'm currently in the process of packing up three years of my apartment life to move five blocks away into a one bedroom sublet a lovely lady is letting me have for dirt cheap for the month of May. After that, I'm off to a two-bedroom in Humboldt Park all by my lonesome. My landlords are awesome. We've spoken of tomato plants. I am at the south end, across from the quiet part of a huuuuge park and you have no idea how often I'm going to be sitting outside on all of that grass. My fridge is in the pantry. I get a pantry! I'm really excited! Now I have space for all of the different flours I like to have on hand. Bonus: some of the best people I know live (near) there so it'll be nice to walk to potlucks with my cakes and ice creams instead of praying, i.e. hoping really hard, that no one bumps into me on the CTA and I trip over my own feet and disaster, disaster, disaster! Cake disaster.



Excited and scared and sad and happy and adult as whoa. I've never NOT had roommates. It's time. I feel like a grown-up, though I'm far from being one. Somebody buy me a couch! Peace out, Ukrainian Village! Well, sort of. :)

Insomnia

Abe Vigoda - Endless Sleeper

Everyone likes this band, right? My favorite song off of the album is "Cranes" but who hasn't heard that already?

My body hates me and I can't sleep and you'd think I'd be writing more. I mean, yes, I am writing more! I am actually being productive with this no sleep business and I have been catching up with music after a couple of months of not really listening to anything at all that wasn't safe and easy and look, look, don't expect much from me. I'm exhausted. I am spiffying up my bicycle, though. I am learning and doing with my own hands with help from books and internet videos because I clearly do not like asking for help if I can learn on my own. You know? You know. My hands are all sorts of cut up. I own a glockenspiel since I've last seen you, blog. I am also a matter of weeks away from moving out of my apartment and probably just down the street. Exciting times! Now I wish I could sleep. This is getting boring.

I am a sucker for moments.

Ok. Ok. This is the thing. I'm in my double-deuce year of being alive. I made it to this point and I have never felt more positive about my life and the people I choose to be around. These people? They're my friends and I love them for all of the positive shit they give me as well as all of the shitty shit. This isn't intended to be sappy or anything like that, but I am a sap.

Right now, right this moment, I'm listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor. It's been about a year since the last time I've listened to them. This last time was in some boy's studio apartment and I was getting dressed to go, making a decision to leave and talk about epic, sweeping music for such a pivotal moment in my life, a moment where I did not yet but was beginning to realize that how I see the world, what I value as important, and just all of that ambiguous, hard, growing up type of business is so...different. I don't know how to explain or articulate this and I often wonder if perhaps I could build something, create a physical thing and present to the world as Here, Here Are My Thoughts and Feelings and How I Have Changed and How I Have Realized Now That Shit is Going to Hurt But Whatever Because I Am Doing This and I Am Owning Up to It All.

And Godspeed? Yeah, I honestly can't think of any other music right now that I should be listening to. It's a band that feels like that thing that was created to articulate these hard to put into words moments. It's like, man, I am so psyched on everything right now and I figuring out which moments were dips or pitfalls, ends and beginnings, and all of that and I feel lucky. Goodbye, 21. You've been gone for a few weeks now, but it's ok. I learned a lot and 22 is starting off on this note, an imperfect note, but the right note. There is all of this awesomeness and I see no walls. I see expanse, great, big wide expanse for happiness, for sustained awesomeness. I see it. Really, really see it. I needed that first heartbreak, those wordless moments, all of it, to see this right now. What is this? Optimism? I don't know. Whatever it is, this gumption to be AWESOMEEEEE is really fucking good. And new. Oh, how new this all feels.

maybe it's because i say "straight up" all of the time now

I twittered this the moment it happened because Twitter is the most addicting social networking whatever thing in the world. Plus, it's really easy now with my Blackberry. My beautiful, beautiful Blackberry that lights up every single time I get an e-mail. It's great. Technology is suffocating me with awesomeness.



A friend and I were watching "Forever Your Girl" when he turned to me and said, "You remind me of a young Paula Abdul."

That's the best thing anyone's said to me in a long time. Never mind that I'm about half-a-foot taller than that dancing fairy of a woman and I am sometimes too uncoordinated to walk in snow let alone execute some sweet moves, I was tickled by that. As we all know, young Paula is the best Paula.

Saddest Song in the World

If I were a wee bit more of a girl, I would cry every time I hear Patsy Cline's "She's Got You". Part of it is because Patsy dies soon after this song but mostly it's straight up sad.



The musical theme of the day at work was "The Most Depressing Songs Ever" when we came across this. It broke my god damned heart, that's what this song did. I came home and realized I didn't have any Patsy Cline but I did have an inferior cover by Cat Power. Inherently, covers would be inferior. I can't imagine this song without Patsy's voice.

A friend showed this to me recently because his GF had this gem on vinyl (I like that 2k9 has turned into the year of records already). Initially, I was very much, "Well, isn't that cute." Then I woke up one morning with it stuck in my head. It may be better than Madonna's original. This is endearingly earnest. I require a vacation and a dance party.

Here's a link to the Wiki page to MC Miker G & DJ Sven. It's the most effort I can put into finding info right now because I am a bag of internet lazybones.

crowd following

Everyone's psyched on the new Animal Collective record and I am, too. I am not a liar. I love this band. I have standard taste, mostly. Oh well. It's difficult to pick my favorite track so here's the one that stands out the most, especially if you're living in frosty Chicago, never mind all of the sappy stuff it reminds me of. The sappy stuff that was and the sappy stuff that will be. WHY AM I STILL HERE? Maybe time to dig up a new city but who knows. The summers here are too good to let go.

Animal Collective - Summertime Clothes

I miss this past summer. I miss not being able to fathom hoping that the temperature goes above 0°F. I miss sweat and bicycles and humidity and shorts. I miss seeing my friends more often because who spends summer alone, you know? My skin is dry like something fierce. I miss summer. But I do love winter, much as a gripe, except for when new frontiers of cold keep on happening.

Man, this was kind of an echo of a post.